A Loving Approach to Setting Limits and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
March 17, 2014
Using the word “discipline” to mean self-regulation in alignment with personal values, this gentle handbook teaches parents Buddhist-style practices of mindfulness as a basis to access their own wisdom and meet their children’s needs with the right mix of love and limits. Clinical psychologist Shapiro (The Art and Science of Mindfulness) and pediatrician White see the process of parenting as having five essential elements: the yin factors of unconditional love and space to build autonomy and competence balance the yang factors of mentorship and healthy boundaries, and the lessons in humility and forgiveness that come from our “mistakes.” Breaking from their calm tone, the authors criticize both authoritarian and permissive parenting approaches as unhealthy, in contrast to their preferred “authoritative” approach, which gives children clear limits and hierarchy, but as containers that make them feel receptive and safe rather than as tools of control. Though oversimplified descriptions of the physiology behind feelings of safety and fear prove distracting, Shapiro and White’s commitment to balanced parenting gives readers motivation to become strong role models.
Starred review from April 1, 2014
Mindfulness expert Shapiro and pediatrician White describe a holistic system in which parents improve their child's behavior and promote cooperation while at the same time fostering motivation, emotional intelligence, self-esteem, and resilience. The authors offer five elements of mindful discipline: unconditional love, space for children to be themselves, mentorship and transfer of values, and the admission of one's own mistakes. The carefulness edge takes place, the authors say, when parents develop their own self-awareness and can adopt their child's perspective. This enables the child to choose the best course of action based on the competing needs of the moment, instead of their own history. VERDICT Combining parenting skills with the practice of mindfulness is genius. Essential for anyone raising a family.
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